Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Abolishing the hand job

In a discussion recently, I discovered I was not the only chick who hates giving hand jobs. Most of us would rather give a blowie than an hand job. Concerned that this was an unpleasant activity I would have to endure for the rest of my life, I asked for a male opinion on the matter. The general consensus (amongst my bros at least) is this: hand jobs suck.

Of course, being the over-analytical person I am, I began to question why it was that so many girls think that guys want hand jobs? Do we think that we can masturbate their junk better than they can? We would...chicks can just be so goddamn interfering, can't we? Well, I for one KNOW that I cannot. I don't have the musculature that guys develop over the years through masturbating. Don't have enough endurance, or stamina, and I never know how hard to grab.

Now, I am not attempting to remove all hand-to-dick contact whatsoever. Grabbing balls or shaft when you're going down on someone, or on the couch at a party, or on the dance floor at a club is perfectly acceptable in my book, and indeed should be encouraged. (Let me know if I'm wrong, men. I'd love to know for future reference.)

The real lesson we should gather from this dilemma, however, is not the simple message of: "Stop giving hand jobs," rather, it is the broad misconception that has been spread throughout the sexually active population that GUYS LIKE HAND JOBS. Why do we think that this is the case? Who originally implanted in our minds this falsehood? Perhaps girls think that because we like getting fingered, guys like it too? Maybe some really vocal and influential dude, like, I dunno, John F Kennedy, or Moses, really liked them, and so other guys thought that they should too? I'd love to hear the answer to that question...

This blog isn't just going to be about hand jobs, or sex, or the difference between men and women (barf). Its gonna be a random compilation of questions, opinions, etc etc (basically, its gonna be a blog) that I know I have, or my friends have had about what the fuck goes on in people's heads. I'm not censoring any of this, its gonna be what I really think about anything. Its just about honesty. As sappy as that sounds...

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